When I walk into a new room full of strangers, my first instinct isn’t to speak up. It’s to observe.
I’ve been a shy child and, if I’m being honest, somewhat uncomfortable in unfamiliar settings. I’m the person who spends the first twenty minutes of any event quietly analyzing the room, listening more than talking, trying to gauge the temperature before diving in.
For the longest time, I saw this as a weakness – this hyperawareness of others, this constant desire to make a good impression, to be liked. Classic people-pleasing tendencies that self-help books warn against.
But here’s a thought:
What if this same quality were one of my greatest assets as a marketer?
Observation before participation
When I enter a new environment, I don’t immediately jump in. Instead, I:
- Watch how people interact with each other
- Note the language and phrases they use
- Observe what topics generate enthusiasm
- Pay attention to the unspoken rules and dynamics
Sound familiar? It should!
Тhis is exactly what we’re supposed to do as marketers when approaching a new audience or channel. It’s a skill to observe and adapt, and it translates directly to marketing effectiveness:
When I’m researching a new segment, I don’t start by crafting messages for it. I start by listening. What pain points do people mention repeatedly? What solutions have they already tried? What language do they use to describe their challenges?
When exploring a new channel or community, I spend time understanding the native content formats, tone, and engagement patterns. What performs well here? What falls flat? What inside jokes or references resonate?
The audience intelligence advantage
People-pleasers are constantly gathering social data.
We’re tuned into:
- The specific phrases our audience uses, not marketing-speak
- The unspoken rules of the community, not a broadcasting mentality
- The common objections and concerns, not only what we want to say
- The authentic way to frame solutions, not the rigid messaging guidelines
This natural instinct creates content and messaging that feels like it belongs. It helps build messaging that feels authentic rather than intrusive.
Like you belong in the space rather than just swooping in to make a quick buck.
People-pleasing 101
Here’s how to channel your inner people-pleaser (in the best way) for marketing success:
Practice active listening before creating: Spend 80% of your initial time with a new audience just absorbing. Read forums, join conversations, analyze content.
Document language patterns: What specific phrases come up repeatedly? How do people describe their problems in their own words?
Identify connection points: Where do your solutions naturally intersect with audience needs without forcing the issue?
Adapt your format to the environment: On TikTok, this might mean embracing fun trends. In a specialized forum, it might mean detailed, technical content.
Test with humility: Enter each new channel with the mindset of a student, not an expert – willing to adjust based on feedback.
Progress with patience: In my experience, many marketers cut their initial audience or research short because they can’t wait to get going. A pause sets you up for success.
***
The qualities that make someone good at reading a room – observation, adaptation, empathy – make them exceptionally good at understanding audiences and online spaces.
So if you’ve ever been called a people-pleaser, perhaps it’s time to reframe it: you might just have a natural talent for audience intelligence. And in marketing, that’s pure gold.
Adaptability matters,
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🤿 Diving deeper
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